So, today I was given a realization, perhaps from the Paraclete, that I must begin to prepare inwardly for my upcoming pilgrimage this September to the Camino de Santiago de Compostela with as much earnest enthusiasm as I have been preparing for it outwardly. My material preparations have reached a fever pitch: planning itineraries, preparing travel equipment, researching every angle through books, blogs and sifting the seemingly banal details which others have shared in pilgrimage forums. If I continue this way, I will become not only obsessed, but a crashing bore to all those around me who must pretend to be interested in what sort of tent I plan to carry for 500 miles. I know these outer preparations must slow down and give way to another type of preparation, even more necessary than these.
“For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.” -Romans 8:5 KJV
“For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.” -Romans 8:5 KJV
But where, then, to expend my pilgrim’s zeal?
Today I was given a hint: I now begin the process of feeling the burn within–the action of the Holy Spirit burning out the dross from my spirit and pulling me forward into new inner terrain. Just as Jesus was sent out by the Holy Spirit after his baptism to wander in the wilderness for forty days, so has the Pentecostal flame been lit above my head and my heart sending me into an inner wilderness.
“For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption…the redemption of our body.” -Romans 8:22-23 KJV
Revisiting stale old illusions, recurring resentments, fruitless frustrations–I feel them all coming to a slow boil within me, their vapors and aromas all too familiar to me. They render me inarticulate in prayer, yet they burn and explode painfully within my being, and I feel like the whole foundation of my soul might drop out in an angry, fiery, toxic mess, perhaps like Fukshima is melting down right now (as above, so below).
This brings me to my knees.
“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.” –Romans 8:26 NSRV
But this was all to the purpose of helping me remember that all my charisms are blessings given to me by God, and to God must I return them as enhanced gifts– gifts made incarnate through me, by me and even often despite me! But in order to return them, I must first extricate them from their small cage within my ego, where I jealously guard them. And hence, the burn…
“And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” – Romans 8:27 KJV
So, today, Whitsunday, it was given to me to be warned against avoiding preparing for the inner journey by dithering too much with matters of the physical road: My body will feel the burn on the Camino, most certainly, and so will my soul.
